June 2013
no but women are so badass okay
because there will inevitably come a point in every woman’s life where she wakes up in a pool of her own blood and her reaction will be dammit now i have to do laundry
that is some suave superhero shit and you won’t ever be able to convince me otherwise
if you can’t laugh during sex, you might not be doing it with the right person
if you want my legs to be shaved every day then you can do it for me and ill see how long it takes for you to not care anymore
A Short List of Things I Do Not Understand
- When a dress you really like has one of those stupid thick elastic bands underneath the boobs and your body immediately looks like dogshit in the dress.
- Also: Surprise! The dress is actually a romper
- Why Facebook keeps putting dieting ads and engagement rings as ‘suggested posts’ for me NO THANKS
- Hot avocado
- You’d think that with 2 jillion movie and television options on Netflix, I would find something I want to watch in under 6 hours
- How to keep nail polish from chipping—it’s not like my job is to run my hands in a sander or dip my hands into acid, which is what you’d think if you saw my nails
- I do not JUDGE you, but I do not understand people who say things like “I like getting up early” “I don’t really watch television” “No, just one drink for me” and “no more pizza, thank you” because if there was unlimited pizza I would eat it till I was dead.
- Why I cannot just waltz into any McDonald’s and get an Egg McMuffin at 11pm like I’ve wanted to do ALL MY LIFE
- Every innocent sandal that feels like it will be comfortable and then rips my skin off with its gladiator teeth halfway through my walk
- T-shirts with long messages on them worn outside of the house with say, pants.
- Why I cannot remember where I have put my phone but I still remember the lyrics of Mulan’s “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You” after 15 years
- Like, I get it, the ’90s were great but jesus slow your load a bit on that
- Music that portrays clubs as fun and exciting and don’t mention the words “sweat” “profusely” or “Ed Hardy”
- The older generation for their unwavering belief that chain e-mails are hilarious, informative, and should be sent out 40 times a day
- Why I mostly always dread getting in the shower but when I get in I find it to be one of the top moments of my existence
- A successful messy bun
- The person that decides to GO THERE and makes an insane racist comment or sexist comment on a Youtube video about cats or something
what it basically boils down to is this:
maaaybe i’m a feminist killjoy and freedom-of-speech oppressor who “can’t take a joke”
or maybe, just maybe
you’re a racist misogynist with a shitty sense of humor who “can’t take criticism”.
